For many, the illusion of Christmas is still going strong as they take some much needed break from work this week and won't be returning to it until well into the new year. For me, I can only fool myself and my mind so much to maintain the spirit of Christmas, but nothing undoes my effort to maintain magic quicker than having to return to work promptly on the 27th. I told myself that next year, we will take this time off to enjoy each other.
I've been pondering a bit about what I want my 2012 to look like. I don't typically set out specific resolutions for the new year, because I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure that way. Instead, I try to imagine what the year holds, envision what is important to me this coming year, and work like hell to make it happen. Without even knowing it, I think 2011 was a year of becoming for me, particularly in becoming a mom, to identify the kind of mother I want to be to my kid. During this great year, my child grew from age 5 months to 17 months, and boy what a journey these 12 months had been. Here are a few lessons I learned about myself during this past year.
1) My child is the most important thing to me, and my love for my career and professional success pales in comparison to the love I have for this little being. I left my job of 6 years to take another that would provide me with more time with her during this fleeting time.
2) I do possess the patience I always thought I lack to raise a child, and boy do they require a lot of patience.
3) I am not as selfish as I once thought I was.
4) I really really love being a mom, and it is the one title I never mind being labeled with.
5) Becoming mom also help me identify what I really want to be as a person, and it provides a clearer perspective of my preferences, my likes and dislikes and most importantly my values.
6) I realize that I really am an easy-going mom in comparison to others I know, and neither of it is right or wrong, just a preference to do what is best for our own children.
7) My body is a great vessel. It nurtured and birth a child, and resiliated back to its original form in a space of a few months. The least I can do is to take a little better care of it.
8) I can be graceful in being both a mom and a woman. Having a child is not an excuse for me to letting go of taking care of myself, as a woman and as a wife to my husband. I feel much better about myself when I get up to shower, to do my hair and put on my make up every morning. But the once in a while opportunity to lounge and let go is also good for my soul as well.
9) Magic is what you make, and in the process of making it for your child, you start believing in it once more.
10) Celebration is the act of allowing yourself to fully participate in being happy at the special moments, for both myself and for others.
At the end of this wondrously magical year, I realized that I am capable of a great many things, both as a mom and as a woman, and without running the risk of pigeon-holing myself into a specific identity, I am and always going to strive to be a great mom.
Come 2012, I hope to become a better friend, in one way only - through genuine celebration. If there is one thing that 2011 has taught me it is that I don't allow myself to celebrate fully for myself and for others. 2012, I resolve to be different. I will make time for any occasion I'm invited to, and I will allow myself to participate in the celebration fully, to truly be happy for the celebrator in their special moments, even when and especially when I pray that these moments were occurring to me instead. I will recognize that my time has not come, but that it has came for the people I love, and I will allow myself the opportunity to fully support them and celebrate them in their moments, whether it is in a milestone birthday or just an off-year birthday, an engagement, a wedding, a child, a just-because extravagant gift, a seemingly excessive vacation. I will allow myself to tell them I am happy for their good fortune, and mean it. I will allow myself to tell the people I love how I feel when I feel it. I will forgive others for not reciprocating the celebration when my special moments arrive, because I will recognize that it is probably not about me but more about them. I will allow myself to celebrate my special moments as I see fit, and not to downplay how special it is for the sake of humility or for the sake of others' feelings. 2012, I will celebrate this one crazy and precious life, for myself and for others.
Christmasing
Right now, I have about 5 minutes to write down just exactly in my head because my husband is downstairs with my baby and I know that I have at the most 5 minutes until one of them notice that I'm missing.
I'm sitting in my new and freshly painted grey office. No one would have ever known that our house was actually a three bedroom house because we only used two rooms - the master and the nursery - for the last three years. My sister had been living with us and took the third room, until this Christmas day when she finally moved out to an apartment on her own. I get my room back, and wasted no time to convert it into the office space I always wanted. My wonderful husband was kind enough to paint it grey for me, and move everything on our only day off. There's still a lot to arrange, but for now, there is a desk and I'm sitting at it typing these words.
------
And so Christmas day came and went, all too fast this year. On the eve of Christmas day, I put my girl to bed, both of us completely exhausted by the day's activities. She turned her little body into me to snuggle as she usually does before she falls asleep, but this time, she strategically placed both of her little hands over my cheeks, and there in the dark, she locked her eyes deeply with mine and held it there for what seemed like an eternity and smiled. She does that often now, where she just turns to me and smile her crooked little smile that reminds me so much of her father, as if to say I know or I understand. While I don't pretend to know what goes on in her little mind, it seems to me like a little thank you from her to me. And to my surprise, I started to tear up. Christmas is nothing if magical, and magic was happening, right there in the little space surrounded by pink.
Of course, moments later when my girl is fast asleep, I laid there checking facebook on my phone to see how my friends fared the day, I saw statuses and pictures of Gucci bags and Tiffany necklaces and iPhone 4S and other extravagances that didn't occur in this home. And yet, I laid there completely content in my state, void of any material extravagance, but felt like the richest girl in the whole world. And so, I whispered a prayer and a gentle thank you to the heaven above, for this wonderful day where the measure of riches goes beyond the material currencies.
While we don't celebrate Christmas extravagantly by any material mean, we make up for it in heart. On Christmas Eve, before we headed to church, we baked cookies to get it ready for Santa.
Before bed, we changed into our new pajamas, and read a Christmas classic.
And while we slept, Santa did come -- he ate and left a note with some presents.
Boy, was Santa generous this year. He left a newly built kitchen for our girl who quickly ran to it Christmas morning when she first laid eyes on it because she couldn't contain her excitement.
Cheers to the wonderful Christmas day to come.
Not sure where her recent obsession with Dora came from, considering that she hasn't even watched an episode of the show. This present quickly became a favorite.
Special hugs between cousins.
I'm sitting in my new and freshly painted grey office. No one would have ever known that our house was actually a three bedroom house because we only used two rooms - the master and the nursery - for the last three years. My sister had been living with us and took the third room, until this Christmas day when she finally moved out to an apartment on her own. I get my room back, and wasted no time to convert it into the office space I always wanted. My wonderful husband was kind enough to paint it grey for me, and move everything on our only day off. There's still a lot to arrange, but for now, there is a desk and I'm sitting at it typing these words.
------
And so Christmas day came and went, all too fast this year. On the eve of Christmas day, I put my girl to bed, both of us completely exhausted by the day's activities. She turned her little body into me to snuggle as she usually does before she falls asleep, but this time, she strategically placed both of her little hands over my cheeks, and there in the dark, she locked her eyes deeply with mine and held it there for what seemed like an eternity and smiled. She does that often now, where she just turns to me and smile her crooked little smile that reminds me so much of her father, as if to say I know or I understand. While I don't pretend to know what goes on in her little mind, it seems to me like a little thank you from her to me. And to my surprise, I started to tear up. Christmas is nothing if magical, and magic was happening, right there in the little space surrounded by pink.
Of course, moments later when my girl is fast asleep, I laid there checking facebook on my phone to see how my friends fared the day, I saw statuses and pictures of Gucci bags and Tiffany necklaces and iPhone 4S and other extravagances that didn't occur in this home. And yet, I laid there completely content in my state, void of any material extravagance, but felt like the richest girl in the whole world. And so, I whispered a prayer and a gentle thank you to the heaven above, for this wonderful day where the measure of riches goes beyond the material currencies.
While we don't celebrate Christmas extravagantly by any material mean, we make up for it in heart. On Christmas Eve, before we headed to church, we baked cookies to get it ready for Santa.
Before bed, we changed into our new pajamas, and read a Christmas classic.
And while we slept, Santa did come -- he ate and left a note with some presents.
Boy, was Santa generous this year. He left a newly built kitchen for our girl who quickly ran to it Christmas morning when she first laid eyes on it because she couldn't contain her excitement.
We opened some other gifts generously sent from other family members from afar and played with it for a bit before we got the morning started.
We had milk and the rest of the cookies that Santa didn't eat for breakfast, and it was delicious.
Cheers to the wonderful Christmas day to come.
And as the morning comes to a close, family members began to arrive, where we ate and open the rest of the presents.
Not sure where her recent obsession with Dora came from, considering that she hasn't even watched an episode of the show. This present quickly became a favorite.
We also celebrated my niece's 6th birthday. Not wanting to make her feel diminished by any mean for sharing her special day with the biggest holiday yet, we kept reminding her how special she is because she shares the same birthday with the Man of the hour Himself, and of course, took great care to always gift her two gifts this day, one for Christmas and one for her birthday.
Special hugs between cousins.
The rest of the day was spent hanging out, helping my sister move to her own place and getting my extra room back, and at night we moved the party to her place after the move is over, where we had pizza and coke, sprawled out on the floor of a tiny apartment. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Labels:
celebration,
holidays
friendly gathering
Despite all of the time, effort and care I take to deck the halls and make merry for our family enjoyment, my all time favorite things of this season will always be the gatherings with friends and family. And while these events can be plentiful, to the point of exhaustion, I almost always never say no to an invitation to meet, to gather, whether it is only for coffee or an elaborate fancy event.
While the eve and day of Christmas are reserved for family, the days gathering up to it are reserved for friends. I am lucky enough to have a few great friends, and we all have known each other going on a decade now. And in between those years, we have introduced and welcomed more people into this great circle as we expand our family through marriage and kids. And while we all nursed each other through many heartbreaks, the only things that is ever worth remembering through these years is that laughter was plentiful and love, always overflowing.
So, on Sunday night, these people gathered at my house, where we dined and laughed and exchanged gifts until my normally tidy house looked like a storm had passed through it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It has always secretly been my measure of how much fun was had by how much damage was done post-party compared to pre-party. By the look of my house, I'd say we were successful in the fun department. After all, a house, especially one decked out for the holiday, is first and foremost for living, and part of the living is the enjoyment of the contents that occupy that space by the people that fill that space.
We decided on a potluck event, and my hubby was the one who cooked the main course of homemade spaghetti and meatball. It was delish and oh so popular. I was responsible for the desserts and setting up, so I just made some brownies out of the box, purchased some strawberries from the farmer's market that morning and whip cream, and came up with this simple but festive dessert.
And cookies were aplenty.
The table decorations were simple. We had to fit in 10 adults in a table for six, but we made it work. It made for a very intimate dinner with a lot of chatter to get things passed around.
The kids had their own little space.
We also learned from the stress of prior years in trying to purchase gifts for everyone. So, this year, we decided to do a Secret Santa thing so that we still maintain an air of festivity, but this time really isn't about the presents but being present. But even with that approach, my house was still filled to the brim with presents for the kiddies.
Here are the secret Santas:
And then we took some pretty portraits, to remind us of this wonderful night and of these wonderful people in our lives.
While the eve and day of Christmas are reserved for family, the days gathering up to it are reserved for friends. I am lucky enough to have a few great friends, and we all have known each other going on a decade now. And in between those years, we have introduced and welcomed more people into this great circle as we expand our family through marriage and kids. And while we all nursed each other through many heartbreaks, the only things that is ever worth remembering through these years is that laughter was plentiful and love, always overflowing.
So, on Sunday night, these people gathered at my house, where we dined and laughed and exchanged gifts until my normally tidy house looked like a storm had passed through it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It has always secretly been my measure of how much fun was had by how much damage was done post-party compared to pre-party. By the look of my house, I'd say we were successful in the fun department. After all, a house, especially one decked out for the holiday, is first and foremost for living, and part of the living is the enjoyment of the contents that occupy that space by the people that fill that space.
We decided on a potluck event, and my hubby was the one who cooked the main course of homemade spaghetti and meatball. It was delish and oh so popular. I was responsible for the desserts and setting up, so I just made some brownies out of the box, purchased some strawberries from the farmer's market that morning and whip cream, and came up with this simple but festive dessert.
And cookies were aplenty.
The table decorations were simple. We had to fit in 10 adults in a table for six, but we made it work. It made for a very intimate dinner with a lot of chatter to get things passed around.
The kids had their own little space.
We also learned from the stress of prior years in trying to purchase gifts for everyone. So, this year, we decided to do a Secret Santa thing so that we still maintain an air of festivity, but this time really isn't about the presents but being present. But even with that approach, my house was still filled to the brim with presents for the kiddies.
Here are the secret Santas:
And then we took some pretty portraits, to remind us of this wonderful night and of these wonderful people in our lives.
Labels:
celebration,
holidays
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